It's a sweatpants kinda day

(There's nothing to do but laundry today!)

I've recently talked with several people and read several people's blogs about feeling inadequate as a wife, mother, or whatever. I struggle with this on occasion, but not nearly as much as I did when Kate was tiny. I remember constantly thinking that I was a bad mom when she was little. There was always something I wasn't doing quite right. Gradually, you get the hang of things and you assume those feelings should disappear, but they don't. There's always something new that we just don't know how to handle, like teething, illnesses, or night terrors. There's always something.

I feel the same way as a wife sometimes. Just when you think you've figured your husband out, the things that you thought made him happy aren't the same anymore. There's always something.

I'm realizing, however, that these inadequacies are a good thing. Yep. I said it. They're good. It's when we feel like we don't have it all together that we push ourselves to learn new things and become better mothers or wives. Or just a better person, in general. If we had it together all the time, we would never have motivation to improve. If we ate McDonald's everyday and never gained weight, we'd never have motivation to eat healthier. Same concept. It's normal and good to feel inadequate. As a spouse, it's when you feel inadequate to meet your spouse's needs that you're faced with two options. The first option is to go on pretending that everything is okay, which can be a death sentence to a relationship. The second is to get to know your spouse better. Have an awkward conversation and ask him what you could do to love him better, to serve him better, to encourage him better.

In our "Love at Last Sight" study at church, we've talked about how when relationships get to that awkward stage, they often die. People think good, lasting relationships should come easy and natural. That's not how it works. When we start to assume we know how our spouse will react or what he will want all the time, we start to assume we know everything about him. This is when a relationship can go south, because needs aren't being met. Sometimes, we just have to ask. There's always new things we can learn about our spouses (and vice versa), because we're constantly growing and changing. Can you imagine how boring things could get if they didn't change?

It's the same with being a mother. The things that kept your child happy and well at 9 months won't necessarily work a few months (or even weeks) later. You have to adapt and learn how to meet their needs at each phase.

Don't be discouraged if you're feeling inadequate. Let it be a challenge to you!