I promised I would....

So here's the diet update:
-I hate dieting.
-We cheated multiple times this weekend.
-I forgot to weigh myself this morning, but I'm pretty sure I haven't lost anything.
-It's really hard to stay motivated to diet when your husband is constantly trying to convince you to cheat because he's not motivated.
-I bought more diet food in yesterday's grocery trip, so we're on for another week. We'll see how it goes.

In other news....

I'm really struggling to be content right now. I'm struggling with boredom. I'm struggling with whether or not I'm cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom. I'm struggling with the guilt I feel when I even think about sending Kate to daycare. I'm struggling with my desire for things.

I want more money. I want to be able to go out to eat when we want. I want to be able to buy new clothes when I need them. I want to be able to afford to get my hair cut as often as it needs it. I want to be able to afford to spoil my husband and my daughter. But we don't have that kind of money. Our financial situation is better, but it's not overflowing.

I hate housework. I used to love to cook, but it's just a chore now--especially when you're trying to make healthy food. I hate cleaning. I want the house to be clean and neat, but no one else seems to care. Why should I bother?

Call me old-fashioned, but I believe it's my job to take care of Kate and our house and to keep my husband happy. That's how it was in my family growing up, and the thought of being a working mom while my kids are little makes me feel like a bad mom.

Financially, I don't need to work. I shouldn't need money to be happy. But I'm missing something. I need some purpose or something. I thought being more involved with the music at church would help, but I still feel lost.

I'm praying that God will help make an answer clear to us. That a job with ideal circumstances would fall into my lap or that he would help me rekindle my passion for being a SAHM and wife. I'm babysitting a day or two a week now, but it's not much money and it's not my thing. I'll do it for now, but I'm not enjoying it. It's even making me question whether or not I want a second child. I know I want a second, but it just seems like so much work. I feel like all I ever do is work. Even my few minutes away from the house every week is work because I'm grocery shopping. So exciting!

Does anyone else ever feel this way? Is there something I'm missing?