Back at it?

After nearly one year away, I'm attempting to write my second blog. There's been a lot on my mind, and hopefully if I share it will help me and maybe someone else.

First, an update on Kate:
Kate is now 13 months old. Still not walking or crawling, which is an endless cause of concern for me. The doctor was not concerned, but this does not calm my worries. She's a talker. She knows lots of words and she loves to use them. Her current favorite word is "sock." She's a great eater. She's completely bottle weaned. She's very outgoing. She's an entertainer. And I love her more every day. Being a mother truly is a joy. I very much look forward to having our second little one.

Update on us:
We're settled into Winchester. We LOVE it here. Love the house, love the community, love the church. We've made great friends already, which was my biggest concern about moving. It took us a long time to find friends in our previous location. We're involved in a Life Group, which at this point is only us and one other couple, but it is a blessing. They're people we love and that we really can open up to and talk to about the things going on in our lives. Kraig and I are doing great, and we're very excited about our life right now and our future here.

And now the heart of the matter...
I'm feeling very blah right now. I love it here, but I'm starting to feel like I have no purpose. In our previous ministry I was heavily involved in way too many things. I was in charge of the music ministry, I helped wherever Kraig needed me, I was the co-leader of the ladies' group. I was busy all the time. It was a huge mistake. I was so burned and burned out that I'm still not sure what to do. I knew I wanted to take my time getting involved, but how much time? It's been three months. I'm dying to do SOMETHING, but I don't know what. I'm not feeling particularly lead to do anything specific. I know what I want to do, but I'm literally terrified of history repeating itself. My "I-can-fix-that" personality is begging me to "fix" things, but I just don't know. I don't want to jump into something that I will feel like I can't get out of. I don't want to make anyone else involved uncomfortable because they feel that I know more than them. I just don't know.

Kraig and I have talked about it alot and last night I brought it up with our Life Group. I need some direction, some courage and a whole lot of God making it clear to me what HE wants. As Sara put it last night, "Pray for Stacy to get some Ooomph."

It's true. When I'm not serving, I feel far away from God. It hinders my relationship with Him. It keeps me from keeping up my end. I don't feel motivated to be reading the Bible. I pray all the time, but more selfish prayers. Part of me writing about this is me hoping that if someone else knows about it I'll feel more pressure to take action. I'm a mess:) I'm tired of people acting like Christians should be perfect all the time. It's not like that. It's a struggle sometimes. And that's okay. But we need to be honest about things. I'm not fine. I'm struggling. I know I need to take a step of faith, I'm just not sure which direction to go. We'll see. In spite of it, God is good and His mercies are new every morning. And I need them:)